Ninja

Friday, December 24, 2004

I realised that everything happens for a reason. If you cannot get something, that mean you are assigned to another task.

12:53 PM
Shalihin

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

After riding to East Coast yesterday, my butt hurts. It was okay.

10:35 AM
Shalihin

Saturday, December 18, 2004

I'm feeling so sad. I feel lost. Y am I so useless? I cant sleep tonite. The moment I hug my pillow, I wud think of her. Haiz.. I love her.

7:00 PM
Shalihin

It's confirmed that i don't stand a shot. Haiz. So foolish of me. I trusted her too much. STUPIDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Both the results were released. Major setback for me. Idiot me.. Now I stand a shot on my 'o's and i can spend my money on myself. Shalihin2.. Kenapa kau bodoh sangat ar? Siapa nak kau? Pape. Tak handsome pulak tu. Bodoh. HAHAHA. Diam lar setan!! Bodoh!! Buang duit!! Buang masa!! Amik kau akibatnyer. HAHAHA.

4:13 PM
Shalihin

Well. I dunno why but I feel so much better after sleeping. It seems like I've forgotten her already. Though feeling a bit sad. Missing. Maybe becuased I drained everything yestersay. Khekhekhe. Now, Im going to excercize everyday and study hard. There are so much girls in the world. WHy must I see only one right. It's not like I'm married. But I really tresure those moments with her. If she had not gone to work, I think this wouldn't happen. Now, she's too complacent about her looks because some guys were attracted to her. Hehe. How long can it last. As patient as i can be. I think it's gonna be quite tough looking for one like that. I think I want to polythecnics. Why? Can't decide. I will expand my circle of friends. Though, I will not forget about my 2 close friends. Though she's the only one for me for now. i think there's more to come. Maybe Allah thought that I was too good for her. Haha. Kidding. In actual fact. I don't know how to mmake her happy. Because she sees money and good-looking guys. Well, if that what she wants, I can't wrong her right. Afterall, siapalah aku. I'm going to strive and beat the rest. Like what Asriman said. Revenge in disguise. Haha

1:27 PM
Shalihin

Today is the release of 'N' level result. My head is spinning while im entering this. Today is a big dissapointment for me. I got a 6 instead of 4 I dreamt of. She did not look at me. I'm neither happy nor sad nor nervous while waiting for the result. All I wanted was to see her. Without her, I feel so empty like what I'm feeling right now. I miss her so. Deep inside me, there's a calling which asked me to let her go. From my observation, she can live without me. I'm the problems that she once shared with me would soon reside. My heart is slashed. How I wished we were like last time. At work, I think there's quite a number of guys who tried to woo her including her colleagues. I stand only 10% chance of hope of winning. But I'm willing to try even with that little hope. I hope she would soon realise how sincere i feel towards her. The weather now is about to rain. Juz like what I'm feeling now. I'll try to ease my mind.

8:40 AM
Shalihin

I wrote long2 already but accidentally erased. Sianz. I drained all my tears and I filled much happier now. But still, I quite miss her. There's still this after effect of the broken heart. It have been wounded quite bad. I juz want her to be happy. By not being with me would, I don't mind so long as her happiness is concerned. I don't mind forsaking my happiness for hers. I hope she don't have other ulterior motive as for her decision. I will find the one one day. I found it but lost it. She'll always be the one in my heart. But I would have to make a strong front denying what I actually feel inside. I guess that is life huh?? Nothing last forever and that life is kust a loan. I believed that I'm destined for more than ehat I expected. Maybe this happens because Allah wants me not to do those sins. Yar.. And that with this break up. I would really realise that how a break up of rejection could cause someone to be bonkerzz. Hahakz. I know I've made a lot of mistakes in life. But some I don't even realise. To me not knowing is the gretest failure. But ignorance is also a blessing in disguise because you won't worry so much. At the same time, you feel you are in the dark and would feel left out. I neither rich nor good-looking. I don't know if I would ever have the courage to ask a girl out anymore. I feel so afraid. Afraid of the reoccurrance. But to think about it. My palz also don't have girlfriendz. That would make us even again now. Singles. I don't have to waste my money on her anymore. I can now buy a bag I desire for so long. There are many girls. In fact more female than male. Hmm.. I'll find the one who loves me and I love her in return one day. I will make sure that nothing will break us up no matter the outcome. For now, I got to concentrete on my 'o' levels. Busy busy is what I got to say. So, I'll start working hard now. Luckily I'm not working. I have the free time for my own activites. I will rule the world.. Hahakz. Nah, just want my life to be fulfiled. Have a good family. A suppportive and loving one. Have good friends. Have a good house. I don't favour bunglow anymore. What is the need to have to. now that she's gone. i think otherwise. Our aspirations coincide too much. That is why we did not work out.

5:44 AM
Shalihin

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Welcum 2 My Life

3:23 PM
Shalihin

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Hmm. I noticed something about the world today. Something indescribable. I realised my life. I realised that it is dead. That have got to go man. I muz find a way. A real dream to move on. I hate this body im in now. I got to work it really hard. I must wonder what it is going to be like in the next five years of my life. I can be the most dissapointed guy ever or the most fulfilled one. I must not be dissapointed. I got to do something. I will kick all my bad habits. Yeah!! I will RocK the world. PEace. AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! Feel like shouting and burst the power of the real me and potray it. Tt's all.

5:01 PM
Shalihin

Monday, December 06, 2004

todae i went for kompang to make some money and got 15 bucks. I messaged her todae. From her messages, i knew that she was no longer interested in me. I've always failed. Maybe, we were not meant to be together after all. I've alwaes imagine her to be my bride. She used to be there for me. So thoughtful. So .... it's indescribable. i miss those days. Im always thinking. Thinking and wondering of people's thoughts and try to anticipate their moves. What for? No idea. I feel lost living here. I feel the solitude. I dun noe why but she really plays a very deep impact on me. I'll try very hard to get whatever she wants. She's never satisfied. I'm hopeless like she said to me. I know that she's got no confident at all from the beginning about us. She alwaes said " I love u as long as I can " (something like that) Tt's the cause. She did not have trust in me. I need someone to share to. haix.. I hope tt tt someone would appear. i'll be waiting

3:35 PM
Shalihin

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